I'm really doing it this time, guys.
I've managed to figure out how to make it work. And for the rest of the month, I'm sticking with it.
Rectus abdominus be damned. It's time, y'all.
April is "Get Bigger Even If It Means Temporarily Losing Your Abs Because In Order To Gain Muscle Mass You Have To Eat A Lot, Cut Out Cardio, And Not Be Afraid To Put On A Little Body Fat" month.
All the muscle guys I've consulted have told me the same thing: If you want to get bigger, in addition to lifting reeeeally heavy things, the main thing you need to do is make sure you're consuming a gram of protein for every pound of flesh and bone on your not-tan Scots-Irish frame.
That's 143 grams of protein a day.
I've eaten so much soy, whey isolate, chicken, beef, nuts, eggs, and cheese in the past two days you could cover my poop in delicious milk chocolate and sell it as protein bars.
10 comments:
Just get a nose job, fat boy.
Oh my gosh. I weigh a whole Tri-Delta more than you.
If I were to eat a gram of protein for every pound I have, I'd have to eat like an entire Thanksgiving turkey every day.
I need a nose job.
Thanksgiving everyday would be heaven.
If you need any mass, you can borrow some of mine.
Translation:
People that have to work and pray to get fat make me want to hit them with a rubber hammer in the crotch.
Make that, "in the crotch with a rubber hammer."
A whole Tri-Delt, eh, Cach? What, is that, like, 75 pounds?
Seth - Next time I come over I'll be sure to wear a cup.
Yes. This "eating" thing is very new to me. Honestly, it's wearing me out. I don't know how people do it.
But really, it's mainly about pushing protein. You don't necessarily have to sit down with eight bags of pork rinds and double sausage pizzas as long as you're getting the correct amount.
Oh, and I now need to consume 144 grams of protein a day. Geeze. I feel like I should be getting paid for this.
If the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man and the Michelin Man were somehow able to conceive a child, that child would make fun of me for being a little too pudgy 'round the middle.
That's just how bad it's gotten, kids.
And I think I had a bowl of Tri-Deltas for breakfast this morning.
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Okay, y'all. It looks like the extra pound wasn't a fluke. You know how sometimes you step on the scale one day and the next day it changes?
Well, 144 is here to stay.
I mean...can you even believe THAT?! At this rate, I'll break 145 by the end of next week!
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