The FourStringedGuitar Convention is almost over.
What a ride this has been. The second night of the festival, we had one of the worst audiences of all time.
Two people actually stomped down the stairs and slammed the door on their way out. The rest refused to laugh at the bits, applaud for the songs...it was bad.
And of course, when you ask the mutinous Nasty Blonde and her Stage Management chum why that happened, they offer up all too eagerly, "OF COURSE people hate this show. It's R-tarded."
I don't really like their attitudes.
Last night's audience was a little better.
We have one final show tonight.
There's trouble in paradise.
FourStringedGuitar Bill pulled me and Nasty Blonde aside during the fun yesterday afternoon.
"We're a flop."
?
"We're a complete and unadulterated bust. Critically, with the exception of those idiots at the New Jerk Times, we're a big success. But financially, we're thousands of dollars in the hole. I don't know what to do. I'm paying the four leads because--well--you've worked longer than the ensemble and you deserve it. But I don't know what to do about the ensemble. I can't pay them the full amount right now."
Tears. The shakes. Announcing that he hasn't slept in days. That he got drunk for the first time in a decade last night, despite his precarious liver condition.
It was one of those situations where the only thing to do was to be noble. As soon as she could, Nasty Blonde booked it out of the room, a sack of money in her hand and "The dancers are in a different league anyway--they should just deal with it" on her lips.
Meanwhile, FourStringedGuitar Bill and I had a little talk about why we what we do. About art. About music and theatre. About why we are artists. What REALLY drives us. What's REALLY important. And what's REALLY important right now is to keep the catty ensemble from lynching him after our final show.
It's funny to think it all ends like this. I mean, the fates/stars/circumstances all seemed to have alligned over this thing. Ukulele lessons for a year. Practicing every day so's to get really good at the instrument. Started singing again thanks to Forkulele Friday. Confidence finally rebuilt after two long years of terrifying 'Midsummer' flashbacks...
...and suddenly...a posting! It's an audition for a UKULELE MUSICAL! And they need a fresh-faced lad in his mid-twenties to play the young male lead!
And I'm ready for it!
I mean, with circumstances like that...(what are the odds?!)...you can't help but think this little show has GOT to somehow lead to more than just a critically acclaimed but financially disasterous production in a 65 seat black box in the East Village. That it has some higher destiny to fulfill.
Who knows. Maybe it does. Stranger things have happened...
Oh yeah. And check this out if you haven't already. Bibb Leo File's blog (Fancypants, this guy was Womper in 'H2$' at Alma Mater U). He's written what I believe to be the Best. Post. Ever.
3 comments:
I'm not going to ask and don't tell me that you gave up your wad o'cash for the weeping weak livered man?
Look forward to checking out Bibbleo's Blog.
Guitar Bill should thank his lucky strings to have a noble lead like you. Nasty Blonde will surely gnash her teeth in an unpleasantly warm lake some day.
Whatever happens with the show, I hope you don't cancel Forkulele Fridays. I don't think I could stand it.
And thanks for the shout-out. However, I personally think your "Aesop" post should win the BPE Award.
Dude, I know this story is a little tragic, but I couldn't help but laugh my butt off the way you wrote it. Dang funny. I do feel sorry for the guy who wrote it. I'd be kickin' some ass though, if I had to dance those numbers all those nights with zilcho pay.
Who knows what'll happen with it? It was just weird enough to maybe, after some tweaking and squeaking, to be a huge cult classic someday. Remember Rocky Horror?
Maybe he should re-write it a little Gay-er and have some extra-terrestrial transvestites playing ukes.
Anyways, we thought you were great!
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