Teh n00bz

Okay y'all, can I just say something?

So I'm modeling for a four-week summer intensive at the same place where the sculpture competition was. I go in for three hours every morning and model for a bunch of n00bz who are all retired-types who decided 60 was the perfect age to start cultivating their artistic inclinations.

I'll be standing up there and the instructor will go from person to person offering advice and tips and such.

And the one thing that keeps coming up?

"The model moves."

"The model shifted slightly."

"The model isn't being completely statue-still."

I'm about ready to tell every one of these n00bz off.

"Maybe if y'all weren't so cheap or inexperienced or, as is the case with some of you, clearly socially maladjusted, you'd know that you're drawing a person, not a bowl of fruit. And the 'moving' you're referring to is called 'breathing'."

It's really pissing me off.

I mean it guys. These men and women are complete mo-rons.

The instructor says, "Okay, one more 20 minute set, then we'll take our 15 minute break."

We'll do the 20 minute set, the buzzer goes off, and *immediately* they all start asking each other--and me--"Is this the 15 minute break? I don't know. Is it? Is this the 15 minute break? I have no idea."

Or

Instructor: After this break we'll change to a new pose.

The break ends and...

"Are we doing a new pose? I don't know. I think it's the same one. No, I think it's new.

So. Ann. Oyed.

In other news, yesterday I was paid 100 smackerdoodles to sit in a pub and drink beer. I was an extra in some big-time print ad campaign for this Irish Ale. Maybe you'll see the back of my head. The client was there and she was *determined* to have us all leave *loving* the beer.

And finally, today I have to deal with the whole identity theft thing. Yes, forks. While I've always known people *want* to be me, I think this may be the first time anybody actually tried.

I'll let you know what happens.