Hey fellas! Thinking about growing your hair out? You'd better think twice before your hair-do becomes a hair-don't!
I'm in BIG trouble! I'm going to propose to my church that the missionaries also be trained in cutting hair. It's really important!
In all seriousness, this is the last of the Nutty Fundie Posts (NFP) for a while. I just couldn't resist this one! I took solace in this website, although I've probably just been deceived by the heathen!
18 comments:
The three greatest commandments:
1. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind."
2. "Love your neighbor as yourself."
3. "Women should have long hair and men should have short hair. Anything different is an abomination!"
Let's play "Which one of these is not like the other"!
But, seriously, do people really think God cares THAT much about our hair when he has the whole universe to run?
Um, that first link is a joke you made up, right? Or at least a tongue-in-cheek website set up by our mutual friend, A.J. Werner... RIGHT? PLEASE?!
Queen iii - actually, it's of utmost importance. Why do you think God devoted so much of the Bible to the exact hair length of men and women and the horrible consequences of not seeing your barber regularly? Oh...wait...He...didn't...
It's comforting to know that Jesus kept his coiffeur clean-cut and Romanesque. Not only was Jesus a revolutionary and the savior of mankind, he was also trendy! Terrif! Toss your cares and curls away!
Remember, nature proves that men naturally have short hair. If left alone, a man's hair should naturally stop growing once it touches the ear (but never covers it). Meanwhile, a woman's hair naturally grows and grows and never stops until it is at least waist-length. This is nature's way of providing the "natural shawl" or "muffler" for the fairer sex.
For goodness sake! Just look at the peacock, the lion, the blue-footed booby, the baboon, the elephant! One quick look will tell you that the male of the species is always more drab than the female! Oh...wait...
A-Dub - It's not a joke. In fact, the second link is the ONLY one I could find that said, "Hey! Maybe it's not a sin!"
HMMM..... Jesus in the movies all have longhair. I was in London in May and the first ever depiction of Jesus was there...It had long hair, and a bit of facial hair. The bible also says not to wear clothing of blended fabrics (poly-cotton blend people are going to hell) Or shave the hair on the sides of our head and trim the corners of our beard. WooHoo Leviticus!!!!
I think fundy's are completely insane, and they are the reason that most people around the world refuse to believe in Christ...they don't want to follow all the rules that are set up by crazy fundy's...wait, that sounds like pharisees. Didn't Jesus, and Paul preach against following the laws for salvation...i think they did. Salvation is by grace alone, not by the length of your hair, or how many cool tattoos you have.
and speaking of tatoos...if I got a tatoo on my bum, would I go to hell? Please tell the truth, as I'm seriously considering it.
JFo, I figured it was probably real, but was holding out hope. That "nature's way of showing us" part was my very favorite...
paraphrase: Men sometimes go bald but women usually don't, and if they do, they always cover it up with a wig, so that's obviously nature's way of showing us men are supposed to have short hair.
Wow, that's the most pitiful bit of "logic" I've ever seen. Fails on every single level.
Hm, E. L. Bynum doesn't seem to say anything about tattoos, but it does seem that wearing Versace and taking part in the hip new disco dance craze are definitely sins.
Didn't he also say, "There's a sucker born every minute"?
No, JFo, that was a different guy. ;-)
I've just done some more searching of this site, and discovered that I am dishonoring God right this very minute--by wearing pants! I can't get enough of this Bynum guy. I'm learning so much! I'm sure once I've read all his materials, I'll be a much better Christian... and ever so much fun to be around!
queen, iii If you get a tattoo on your bum i don't think you would go to hell. Unless by bum you mean face and by tattoo you mean the number 666... at least according to Tim Lahaye
a-dub - HA!! Be sure to keep us posted as to what you discover!
queen iii - What are you thinking of getting? "Xavier Roberts"?
hodge - Maybe if you drank some kind of fancy sports drink it would energize your follicles! Stranger things have happened!
boscoe - When the antichrist DOES come along, he's going to have to come up with something other than '666'. It's just too obvious now. Either that or he'll have to introduce it as an ironic joke.
Scenario 1:
Aide: Global President Daemeon, our Global Government Design Team would like you to select a symbol for all humanity to have tattooed on their faces or hands. What symbol would you like it to be?
Global President Daemeon: 666, you fool!
Aide: 666...? Hey!! That's the number of the antichr--uh oh. We've made a huge mistake.
Scenario 2:
Aide: What symbol would you like it to be?
Global President Daemeon: (twiddling thumbs) Oooh...I dunno. Howsabaout...666?!
(laughter)
Aide: (regaining composure) Whatever you say, boss!
Xavier Roberts--that made me make a really weird trying-not-to-laugh-out-loud wheezing sound. The guy in the neighbor office now probably thinks I'm weird.
think how weird he'll think I am when i pull down pants and show him the father-of-all-cabbage-patch-doll's signature big as day on my big ghetto booty!!!
Dang... Why did I ever take that Nazarite VOW!
No longer can I trink my precious, precious wine, but my regular daliances with dead bodies has to stop.
Darn you Forky! DAAARRRN YOOOUUU
That's definitely the first thing I think of when I see your ghetto booty, queen iii. Cabbage.
Wait...
That's...all...wrong...
Q3, don't worry. You're only sinning during the tattooing itself, since that means you'll be naked. But since you'll keep yourself decently covered in a dress for the rest of your life, with your long long hair cascading down over your booty, (just as the nut job prescribes), no one will ever know your sin. And who knows, in time perhaps God will miraculously wipe your behind clear. You'll never know of course, because even you wouldn't have the wickedness of heart that it requires to look back there ever again.
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