WAAAAAAAAA!

So I've been in a state of rather high stress of late. It's this election. This damn election!!

It occurred to me that Halloween is only...(wun, too, thre, frr...) NINE days away! GEEZE! Can you believe it!

Now I've already tried to get going with my Halloween tradishes. I ditched my PSP and my DS as subway entertainment in favor of a new Agatha Christie--which I think I may be able to figure out if she just gives me a couple more clues. That's the thing about Agatha. Once you know the rules to Poirot's "world", you can kind of figure out who's gonna do it--provided you think outside the box and think in terms of what would motivate a real person to committing murder.

All while playing by the Agatha Christie rules, of course.

But I'm getting away from why I'm writing this post.

So this Agatha Christie isn't really cutting it for me. I have to be honest. I love me some Dame Agatha, but this Halloween has got its work cut out for it if it wants to be a sufficiently scary one. And it's all because of this election. This damn election!

So here's what I did.

I bought a big bottle of wine.

I know. It makes me almost want to cry when I think of how fat the painters at the Janut school are making me. And a couple of glasses of red wine are only making things worse. BUT I HAD TO! I CAN'T SLEEP ANYMORE! It's this DAMN ELECTION!

So THEN...

I plunked down fifty digital dollars for the game video game critics all across the interwebz have declared, "Why, it's so scary...it'll scare yuh!"

It'll scare me, huh? It'll scare ME. Okay you probably plump video game critics with spotty complexions. Put your money where your mouth is! I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!

So it's a horror game in space. Like 'Alien'. It's called (distorted voice) DEAD SPACE.

I turned out the lights. My glass of wine was next to me. I booted up the game on my computer. I thought it was a little TOO snug in my bedroom. Hey, space is cold, right? So I cracked my little window and the cold, sooty New York City air blew in.

The mood was set.

I started my mission. It seems I am an intergalactic repairman. All communications on this distant mining ship have been cut. As my little ship puttered up to the darkened mining vessel and I was finally given control of my character, I walked to the main entrance and the impolite black woman who lives inside me said, "Oh heeell no! Don't you go in there!"

So began my journey. I found myself talking to the screen the entire time. But as the impolite black woman. It TOTALLY ruined the atmosphere.

There was a "dead" creature on the ground.

"HA! I'm not falling for THAT one!" I shot at the monster and it writhed around. Yes, it was actually alive and was waiting for me to get close so it could jump up and scare me. But now it was just frittering about and wailing--wailing as if to say, "Aw MAN! You ruined the surprise!"

"Sorry bitch. This ain't my first time at the third-person shooter rodeo."

The little black woman took over.

"I can't believe they gave me this shift! I better be making time and a half for dis!"

That's when I used my plasma blaster to rip through a particularly grotesque creature. Heh. I stepped on the elevator. "I bet that idiot is sorry he messed with--

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!








I totally wasn't expecting it. I stepped off the elevator and some...some THING jumped at my face, shrieking like a banshee. I YELLED at the computer screen.

Mission accomplished. Halloween can go on this year. I have been scared.