Oftentimes I stand there in front of the locker and find myself completely unable to move.
"Come on, Forky! Go!" says a voice. And I begin the truly painful process of moving my tired, weary body to rehearsal.
The second most difficult part of my day comes when I finally make it to my car in the blazingly hot parking garage and I drop my bags in the passenger seat. I want to sit there and close my eyes for a moment. Just...for one...moment...please...
"You can't stop! YOU'LL BE LATE! Work will make you free!"
I imagine the steely eyes of our director stabbing mercilessly into me as I say, "But I was at the gym so I'd look good for YOUR SHOW!" to which he replies, "That's no reason for being THREE MINUTES LATE! You've ruined it! Everyone was here ready to create and you threw everything off by your tardiness! EVERYONE GO HOME! And when we get a bad review, you know who to blame!" Everyone drops their phalluses and heads for the nearest bar.
I snap out of my daydream and shut the car door. Thoughts of what I OUGHT to say in my defense swim through my head and I feel the road rage begin to swell. I've felt this feeling before. The only way I know to combat it is to put on soothing music. However, as the show is a seventies musical, I've steeped myself in the music of the time period so as to help me emulate the vocal qualities of the famous singers of the day. I switch to the "Forky Goes 70s" playlist on my iPod.
Now I want you to imagine a sweaty, shaggy headed actor in a pink car and polo shirt, weaving violently in and out of rush hour traffic, shouting obscenities to others while listening to John Denver sing "Sunshine on my Shoulders Makes me Happy".
7 comments:
Is the humor of this juxtaposition of the most mellow of all John Denver songs with blind, frantic road rage being lost on this American Idol generation?
Sunshiiiiineeee...on my --EFF YOU, ROAD HOG!-- shoulderrrrrrrrs... makes me --SONOFABI--happyyyyyy...
It wasn't lost on me, but then I JUST read your blog. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! It was so, so funny.. Sunshine on your effing shoulder!
I demad to be taken seriously.
I don't even know where you need to start your counselling. I wonder if you pile a few 12-step programs on top of each other if they become 24, 36, or 48-step programs. You're in for a long haul, psycho.
Magic Word - xnuvka
Hang in there Forky!
Poor Forky! Just remember...you have to control that road rage when you have your niece/nephew in the car (they are little parrots). AND if John Denver can't calm you down, may I suggest a little contemporary Christian HITS! That always did the trick for me when I lived in EVERYCITY. Now I live in the middle of NOWHEREKANSAW and my little parasites give me car rage...Did someone mention counseling??
Sorry xannas, but if forky is trying ti immerse himself in 70's music and goes with Contemprary Christian it might induce more road rage. I heard the 70's Christian music...it's scary.
I say keep going forky...work will set you free...if you go nuts before that then you'll have nothing more to worry about...the padded rooms are quite comfortable...i mean...i've heard that they are...i mean...Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy!
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