BEST EVER
week 21
The woes of the week had finally chipped through the surface and were really beginning to sting. Work sucked more than ever. Even though Mr. Archibald was out for the next two weeks, somehow the workload never stopped--in fact, it only got bigger.
Yasriel unwittingly (yet unsurprisingly) picked a fight with the V.P., telling her (the V.P.) that she was making too many demands for her upcoming trip and she needed to organize her travel information in a less confusing way to make our jobs easier. The V.P. told us BOTH that we needed to shut up and do what they were paying us to do. I suspect Yasriel won several of her bids on eBay this week because nothing could seem to permiate her oblivious cheerful state. And having me there to do all her work for her probably didn't hurt either.
Working out at the gym was draining whatever life I had left in me and rehearsals went from kinda fun to downright frightening as I became convinced the director hated me. Whenever he was whispering to the choreographer, I knew they weren't talking about needing to re-stage a dance number. He was really saying, "Oh my Lord...why did I cast this guy?"
Nelson was always hungry. Grandmother Fork was making everyone depressed. I started to identify more and more with Jude the Obscure, which quickly replaced the Best of H.P. Lovecraft as my pre-bedtime reading (honestly, what was I thinking reading LOVECRAFT before bed anyway? Sometimes, Forky...sometimes...).
The novelty of cool workout gloves had worn off.
Not even peanut butter was helping.
So imagine...imagine what a breath of the purest mountain air it was to find out...
I'm gonna be an uncle!
That's right! My twin sister, Forkette, who once vowed she'd never have "a parasite," is due in January! She and her husband, as I understand it, are both in a state of shock. My parents are thrilled, Grandmother Fork is jealous of the attention the baby is already getting, and I managed to forget about everything except being the world's coolest uncle.
And that's why finding out you're going to be an uncle is this week's
BEST EVER
12 comments:
YAY! That is a Best Ever I can really get behind. Nieces and nephews are the BEST! (Wow, if she's due in January, she must be like, five minutes pregnant!)
I know! I think she's just a couple of weeks along. This is the "scary" point of pregnancy as Candie, our receptionist who is ALSO five minutes pregnant, has explained to me. Prayers for Forkette and her husband!
I've already started looking at Mother Goose books and books of classic fairy tales like the ones Forko and I taught ourselves to read with. This baby is gonna be literate if I have anything to say about it.
I give Zachary books all the time. He has a library, practically. He recently listed me among his "best teachers," because "she always reads to me and stuff." I got a little misty-eyed. I would recommend the works of Steven Kellogg and Jon Scieszka--imaginative, fun, and beautifully illustrated. Kids love them.
I will keep Forkette in my prayers. I think three months is usually the point where you can chill out and just have fun with it.
An uncle, are you? Well, now you have to start wearing spats and talking with a thick Scottish brogue whenever you're around the new nephew/niece. Also, you should try to amass enough wealth to fill a vault in which you could swim.
But seriously, go with MacDonald, Andrew Lang, Barrie, Anderson, Carroll, Grimm et al. Nothing beats the classics.
What about plopping the tyke in front of a TV for a few hours of Shrek?
Wow. I think I went too far with that one. I apologize.
Yessir...this 21st century kid is going to have an imagination.
Bibb leo, shouldn't I also be a duck?
(word verification: ogabe!)
Not necessarily, though a top hat and cane are essential.
(word verification: svgaigpz; I think that's a type of Swedish candy)
I can't even believe it!! Your sister is going to be a mother!
When are YOU going to become a mother, Queenie?
She's already a mother, Forky. A bad one!
And I gotta say, as soon as you said you were going to be an uncle, I was just sure that it was Forko and the Belch sister-in-law, Waffelle. I cried a little before reading on.
I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER!!! I'm a good mother. Also...I don't think I'll be having children of my own ANY time soon. I kinda feel like I already have 600. that all go to Grandma's in the summer.
Congrats, Forky! You can feed the little parasite his/her first spoonful of peanut butter!
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