Holey Toontown Site Destroyed

42nd Floor Press
by Forky Fourchette

Toontown, California -- The Cartoon Protests were rekindled Tuesday night as downtown Toontown was rocked by colorful cartoon "BOOMS" which destroyed what many believe to be the holeiest site in the city.

"We never saw it coming," said Mr. Magoo, 78. "In fact, I haven't seen any of this coming. What's happening to our city? It's like the whole world is falling apart."

Eyewitnesses described the scene as "hole-rrific" and "really funny".

"I just can't believe it's gone," said Betty Boop. "The House of Cheese was so important to us and now it's been reduced to cheese-whiz."

The cartoon flapper went on to say "there aren't enough crackers in the world" to clean up the mess caused by the cartoon rioters. Ms. Boop then vowed she would never rest until she "tasted their crimson blood" on her pouty, bee-stung lips.

The Toontown House of Cheese, which was made out of a giant block of baby Swiss, had been a landmark in downtown Toontown since Mayor Mortimer "Mickey" Mouse erected it in 1939.

"There was no place on earth more holey than that," said a furious George Jetson. "You could never get warm in there because there was always a draft. I'm telling ya, this protest is out of control! Jane, stop this crazy thing!"

"We will find whoever is responsible for this act of terror and bring them to justice," said Mayor Mouse in a press conference. "We are not to be trifled with. The world will tremble on the stool of fear at the Cartoon Mice Coalition. With our connections, we will make Toontown a gouda city again."

Allegations have been made that the Cartoon Mice Coalition has been using scare-tactics to control the powerful Pink Elephant Party, whose parade was canceled following the blasts. Mayor Mouse has denied the rumors, calling such accusations examples of the blatant racism that has only helped to fuel the cartoon violence.

Others aren't so sure.

"Mice are not to be trusted," said Tom, a blue cat who was recently released from Toontown General Hospital after having been cut completely in half by a buzz saw, blown up with dynamite, and eaten by a shark--all at the hands of a single brown mouse.

"They may look cute, but as the old Toontown saying goes, the smaller the critter, the larger the mallet they're hiding behind their back. If the CMC really is scaring the elephants into doing their dirty work, you can bet these riots aren't going to end any time soon."

National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice has informed the 42nd Floor that the U.S. military is planning on occupying Toontown with modern CGI cartoon soldiers to restore order if the hand-drawn characters don't stop acting looney tunes.

The cartoon riots began two weeks ago when the world's most beloved animated characters began attacking each other for reasons that are still unclear. Three city blocks have been literally erased and hundreds of toons have been evacuated.

More on the situation in Toontown as it develops.