It's a strange thing when you wake up in the morning and can tell that it's a new month. There was something very March-y in the air this morning. Like heat. And the impending sense of doom and failure that draws ever closer.
You see, I made a rule for myself that I had to accomplish something AWFULLY important by my twenty-fifth year. But when I got to 25 and hadn't exactly rocked the world, I gave myself a one-year extension; I could accomplish that awfully important task DURING my twenty-fifth year.
Well, in a mere seven days, that experiment will be over. I will leave my mid-twenties and begin the slow, tremulous trek to 30.
30... Damn. And here I thought I was going to somehow be able to will myself to stay youthful and vibrant all my days and never grow up. Might as well lock me up in some assisted living facility and throw away the key.
Is there anything I can do in the next seven days that will leave a lasting impression on the world? Should I drive to the beach and throw some starfish back into the sea? Should I give my birthday money to starving animals in Outer Mongolia? Should I move to the wilderness and begin writing my memoirs? What?? I need suggestions! The clock is ticking!
8 comments:
You could attend a world opera premier in Austin this Friday night. And you could make it doubly memorable by dressing as a scarecrow and throwing corn husks at all the performers; no one in this neck of the woods would forget about that for a while. They'd say, "Remember when that weird kid from Everycity came down packed full of straw and roasted out of his gourd? Now that was a swell evening at the opera!"
I'm always a big fan of some kind of political strife. I know our President has empossed enough on us, but have you ever thought of leading a 3rd World Coup?? I would follow you to power in any number of 3rd world countries. As long as by riding your coat tails i'm made secretary of something!!
"this one, always looking to the future. Never his mind on where he is." --Yoda
You could always call up your parents, siblings, and in-laws to see if they want to form a traveling family band. You could all wear matching sequined jumpsuits and sing about happiness and following the rules.
Well, when you figure out whatever it is, let me know, too, will ya?
You could declare your own holiday like "National Taco Day," or "Take Your Fattest Relative to Work Day" or "Third Cousin Twice Removed's Day," or "Empossing Day (Observed)." Then you could spend the rest of your life dedicated to gaining recognition for your cause. And be cool about the whole "slow, remulous trek to 30" thing. Some of us prefer to think of it as the "wild, rockin' super path to...." ...nah, forget it.
"wild, rockin' super path"????? I'd like to know who prefers that??? Not Me, I'm halfway from 25-30 and I don't think of it as a "wild, rockin' super path" More like a Sweet ride on the candy highway of life, but now "wild, rockin' super path"...Are you mad man
As far as a new holiday goes, i say we make it 'No Wire Hanger Day'. To celebrate we can remove all the wire hangers from the closet, start a big bonfire with the creased clothes that will never be the same again and use the hangers to roast kosher hotdogs and marshmallows!
set yourself on fire.
Post a Comment