You're the Top

Imagine for a moment that you've just parked your car on the 10th floor of the parking garage. You avoid the elevator, as usual, and begin to descend the stairs, setting a good example--one that will, hopefully, inspire the donut munchers to follow suit. As you hop down to the next landing, you look out the all-glass wall of the stairwell (it's a fancy stairwell) and notice that your building is surrounded by fire trucks.

You stop for a moment, look over your shoulder, and decide, should the building begin to collapse, you ought to have enough time to dash over to some safe nook in the garage, provided the glass wall you're looking out of doesn't shatter and cut you into a thousand pieces.

Then you think, "This is Everycity, USA. Why would the terrorists want to attack Everycity, USA?" You're reassured somewhat by the fact that people aren't running screaming from the building either. So down the stairs you go, steeling yourself for possible disaster every step of the way as you keep a close watch the firemen. It occurs to you that there are no dalmatians on the trucks.

You enter the building and find that the lobby is packed with people. The elevators aren’t working. You consider this for a moment and wonder if anybody is stuck in the elevator. You secretly wish that you were the one lucky enough to get stuck in the elevator, as upon your eventual emergence the crowds of reporters would anoint you a hero (the latest trend in news broadcasting, it seems, is to label people “heroes” who, by dumb luck, happen to survive something unpleasant. “Timmy O’Guggenheim was attacked by a bear but survived when the loss of blood caused him to pass out, causing the bear to lose interest in its meal. Timmy’s a real hero!” or “Abigail Flimflam was stuck in a tree, but the fire department came to her rescue. She’s a real hero!” or “Baby Jessica fell down a well and hundreds of people worked tirelessly to get her out. She’s a real hero!”). As you imagine your fifteen minutes of fame, somewhere in the distance you hear the voice of the late Madeline Kahn singing, “I’m stuck in the elevator!”

You’re roused from your daydream when you realize that the folks on 42 (your supervisor among them) probably have no idea that the elevators are down. Do you do as everyone else does and continue to mill about, letting your life be ruled by technology gone wrong?

You imagine the day oil runs out or when the next ice age hits and how helpless everyone will feel; how people will turn back, saying, “The elevators are out. I’m going home. It’s impossible to get up to the 42nd Floor today.”

Impossible, eh?

Not for you! You’ll not let this little glitch get in your way. “I’m young and healthy," you say to yourself. "I walk up to the 10th floor of the parking garage every day. I bet I could scale this building!”

And so you march yourself proudly to the stairwell. You fling open the door and begin the climb to the 42nd Floor.

However, by the time you reach the 23rd floor, another thought occurs to you.

“This was a stupid idea.”

Covered in sweat and struggling to catch your breath, you consider turning back for a moment. No. Perish the thought! You can’t turn back now. You’re more than halfway there! Onward and upward!

Up, up, and up some more. Around and around you go. 27. 28. 29. You remember hearing a story from your childhood about a little dog that fell into a swimming pool and went into “survival mode” swimming in circles for hours and hours until its owner found it and plucked the quivering, disoriented canine from the draught.

"But who will fish me out of the stairwell?" you cry. Why, no-one! You must be strong and continue! After all, life is full of enormous challenges and metaphorical mountains to climb! Only this one is a bit more literal.

Finally, you fall onto the door marked “42” and fling it open. You made it! Only…this doesn’t look like the 42nd floor you know…

You took the wrong stairwell. You’re on the west side of the building which they've sealed off because they’re doing construction and renovations.

Happy Thursday!