Dostoevsky

As my friend Krischinn is on the lam with her beaux, I've had to sit down this morning and think a bit about crime and punishment. I didn't come up with much, other than bright sunlight shining in your eyes is still not a good reason to kill a person. Krischinn, if you're reading this blog, please come home! Turn yourself in!

If there's one thing I've learned from my time here at Eventual, it's that there's darkness inside the human soul. No, I'm not talking about corporate greed, I'm talking about flat-out, no holds barred, what-the-crap evil. How did I learn about it? It's all thanks to my dear friend, Nimber O'Werner (not her real name--since I'm giving pseudonymns to everyone else mentioned on this blog I figured she ought to have one too). Nimber is a charming girl; well brought-up, polite, mannerly (which, I suppose, is the same thing), and has pleasant facial structure.

But Nimber is also inquisitive. Like a cat. And one dark day she stumbled onto the Online Crime Library. She told me tales of the weird and stories that shock. I soon found myself sucked into that tangled web of the wicked.

Yessir, I've whiled away many a passing hour at Eventual, clicking from one page to the next, devouring this sensationalist tripe like so much chocolate covered glass (tastes good, but tears up your insides on the way out). Would you like to meet some of these colorful characters? Don't worry, they can't hurt you. This is only a blog.

A little priest, anyone? Sweeny Todd was real! Here's an actual picture of his barber shop! Mrs. Lovett's pie shop was just a few doors down. They teamed up to dispose of Todd's many victims. What, with the price of meat what it is, when you get it. If you get it.

An artist's rendition of what Jack the Ripper probably looked like! They've finally solved the mystery! He was also reported to have a real taste for chocolate.

Roxie Hart! The murderous flapper who wasted her life on booze and jazz!

But worst of them all, here's little Rhoda Penmark, the Bad Seed herself! Don't cross this little sociopath or you'll find yourself sleeping with the fishes, set on fire, beaten to death with tap shoes, pushed down a flight of stairs...there's nothing she won't do! The classic argument for birth control.