How to Straighten Your Hair

Forkish Fashion
Curls are Outrée!

Okay, so the Shakespearean production is over. Time to give up that "artist" 'do and go with something a bit more conservative before the boss starts breathing down your neck. What's that? You want to be a pirate for Halloween? Don't be cheap! Fork over the money for a wig! What? But you want to use your hair? Well, all right, but don't say I didn't warn you. The first thing we need to do is get rid of those unruly curls. After all, nothing says, "Fire me now!" like a head of hippie hair.

Let's say you wake up looking like this:

Tragic. You're on your way to the poorhouse.

But wait--you have a cheap bottle of extra-strength hair gel left over from the last period play you did? There may be hope yet!

Dampen that hair! Then, with your fingers, comb a small amount of the goo through your locks.

Et voila! What? No, no, no! That won't do at all! You need something to hold it in place before your hair dries and your head looks like an explosion at a bed-spring factory!

Yes, that will do nicely. Now wear that hat until you get to work, then carefully remove it...

And there you have it! It still says "artist" but it doesn't say "will work for food"! Congratulations!