Aesop

Once upon a time there was a Little Red Hen that moved to the Big City with a Country Mouse. They both had big plans for the future and went out into the world to seek their fortune.

The Country Mouse went to a fancy school where he studied to become a famous opera singer. He was a lazy mouse who never bought toilet paper, made lots of noise when he came in late at night, never helped with the bills, and didn't know how to flip the breaker when the power went out.

The Little Red Hen, however, was a hard worker. He (it was a boy hen) saved lots of money and went to the Big City all by himself to find a place where he and the Country Mouse could live. After a week of searching the Little Red Hen found a place, but before he could get it, he had to give the broker a thousand golden coins.

This he did, and gladly. For the Little Red Hen wanted nothing more than to pursue his grand dreams of becoming a working actor in the Big City.

So together they lived in an apartment near the "Big Time Square", the avenue where dreams come true. The Little Red Hen bought all the toilet paper, paid all the bills, and flipped all the breakers when the power went out.

However, rent was expensive and every month the Little Red Hen would save his pennies just to have enough to get by.

It was very sad.

Then, one day, an old hen who lived in his building asked how much he was paying in rent.

"SQUACK!" she cried when the Little Red Hen told the Old Brown Hen how much he had been paying. "Are you serious?! That can't be legal! This building is rent stabilized!"

So the Little Red Hen went to Big City Housing Lawyers for Poor Animals and had his tenant rights explained to him. Unfortunately, the Lawyer told the Little Red Hen that it didn't look as though they could do anything about the ridiculously high rent for their little apartment that overlooked the trash heap.

A cold winter passed. The Country Mouse continued to give the Little Red Hen rent checks (provided by the fancy opera school) but the Hen was beginning to have doubts about being able to afford the apartment once the Country Mouse graduated and the checks stopped coming in. It looked as though dreams were finally being dashed to pieces. The Little Red Hen thought about moving to South Carolina where chickens everywhere lived in contented harmony eating only the finest of...whatever it is chickens eat. Birdseed or something.

Then, one day in early spring, a letter came in the mail from the Big City Housing Lawyers for Poor Animals. The Little Red Hen was tired, however, and left the letter on the table for a day or two.

A few days later, the Country Mouse instant messaged the Little Red Hen.

"Hey, I didn't mean to go through your mail or anything, but..."

The Little Red Hen raised an eyebrow. "But what?" he said.

"Well, I saw there was a letter from the Big City Housing Lawyers for Poor Animals sitting on the table so I opened it."

"You mean the one that was addressed to me?"

"Yes. I thought it was information about free apartments."

"Why would you think that?"

"Uhh... well, I just happened to glance at it and it looks as though we've been overcharged by our landlord. It looks like he owes us $8,000 bucks and our rent is to be reduced immediately."

The Little Red Hen grabbed the letter. Sure enough, it was open. And there, on the bottom of the third page, was the information the Country Mouse was talking about.

"This is incredible!" said the Little Red Hen.

"Does this mean I get $4,000?" asked the Country Mouse.

The Little Red Hen looked at the Country Mouse.

"This means you need to be happy I'm don't press charges for your snooping through my mail."

And the moral of the story is: don't leech off your roommate for a year and a half and then expect a free handout when it turns out the landlord has been overcharging you by almost $700 a month.

The alternate moral of the story is: I can't wait to pay $1200 a month for my New York apartment.