I've received multiple requests from folks to post the popular "100 Little-Known Facts About Chuck Norris" email. You know the one. "Chuck Norris is so tough he makes grown men cry." "Chuck Norris can chew nails and spit them out as bullets." "Chuck Norris can control the weather with his beard." "Chuck Norris knows the secret of photosynthesis."
Well I've got one to add to the list.
Chuck Norris is a Buddhist and is going to burn in hell.
16 comments:
I'M KIDDING!
I'M KIDDING!
I'M KIDDING!
HEE HEE!
(goes back to work)
Wow, that one's just not quite as funny as "Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding."
But seriously, I just checked this out. According to his website, he's a born-again Christian.
http://www.chucknorris.com/html/christian.aspx
You'd best be careful talking smack about Chuck Norris. You might find yourself taken out by a roundhouse ki... well, you know where this is going.
He knows when you are sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been mocking him,
so prepare for a roundhouse ki...
Oh. That's good news, a-dub! I stand corrected. I couldn't understand how a down-home, good ol' boy like Chuck could be a Shaolin Monk, but I see now I was mistaken.
At least he's not a Scientologist.
Hmm...that gives me an idea for a new poll...
Besides, one of the OTHER little-known things about Chuck Norris is that he's got a swell sense of humor.
Isn't that right, Chuck? No roundhouse ki for me!
What's the poll going to be? Like, "What's crazier, Scientology, President Bush's immigration reform policy, or Paula Abdul?" Hmmm, that one would be REALLY tough.
That would be tough, but I think I'd have to go with Paula Abdul. Have you seen Idol lately? The woman's nuts!
I know, but it's awesome. Last night I thought she was going to fall out of her chair!
Are you people forgetting about Howie Mandel? Have you seen that stupid "Deal or No Deal" show? In any psychotic throwdown between Paula and Howie, my money's on the bald has-been squeeky voiceover king.
"Chuck Norris' roundhouse ki... is the reason Howie Mandel is bald."
Paula Abdul is ineligible in any competition of craziness. She's just drunk. That's different.
You guys know I was going for "roundhouse kick," right? Like, stopping myself in the middle of the word? Did I accidentally stumble on something? Is there a real thing called a roundhouse ki?
There is now.
Yes, I'm eating Roundhouse Ki right now! It's excellent with soy sauce.
ipkjnm
Chuck Norris has to believe in Jesus...because...
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
and for your information...Roundhouse Ki is very tasty...a lot better than Left hook Ki.
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