Life Decisions

Those of you who have spoken to me lately know what a drag I am to talk to these days. I can't seem to stop talking about ME and worrying about MY problems and wondering what I'm going to do with my life.

Well, I've had it. From here on out, I'm going to shift my focus, something I should have done a long time ago. I'm only going to talk about you.

I feel like Job. I mean YOU feel like Job. Wait. YOU mean YOU feel like Job. Geeze. This is going to be harder than I thought. YOU thought.

Forget this!

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!



PART ONE

The setting: Café Tomorrow. Me and Psycholofork are sitting at a table with cups of coffee.

Me: I like New York. I really do. The thing is, it's dang expensive. The other thing is, I've come to feel that I no longer want/need that fabled New York acting career that, till now, had been my sorta vague goal the past several years.

Psycholofork: Okay. That's very reasonable. Lots of people, once they've lived here and tasted a bit of what brought them here in the first place, decide that maybe the grass they thought was greener actually has a sign that says "Don't walk on the lawn" and you'll wind up being fined for stepping on it.

Me: That's very vivid.

Psycholofork: Yes. And it's true.

Me: I haven't stepped on grass since...October, I think.

Psycholofork: What about Central Park?

Me: You're not allowed on the grass.

Psycholofork: Shows you what I know. All right. Let's work with your statement about New York. What do you feel your choices are?

Me: That's the problem. I feel like I have a zillion choices and everyone's telling me to do one thing and not the other. And I'm starting to get worried that instead of making a decision, I'm going to sit here and wait for the decision to make itself.

Psycholofork: Interesting.

Me: Yeah. I could stay or go, I guess. I mean, in the end, one of those things is gonna happen, right?

Psycholofork: Exactly. This is very good. You're doing very well.

Me: Thanks.

Psycholofork: We can work with this. This is excellent. Now then, let's start with your "staying here" options, shall we?

Me: Okay.

Psycholofork: Let's say you stay in New York for another year. Tell me--imagine for me--how would that play out?

Me: I can see it going two ways.

(Fork enters wearing wrinkle-resistant kakhis and a polo shirt. He has a backpack over his shoulder)

Fork: Good morning, Barista Betty.

Betty: Good morning, Fork. The usual? Half-decaf?

Fork: That's right. Don't want to get addicted. (hands Betty a Café Tomorrow gift card)

Betty: Oh, that's a cute gift card. Where'd you get it?

Fork: From my mother. In Texas.

Betty: Oh, I love it. I collect them, you know.

Fork: Oh, that's cool. You can have this one when I'm done with it.

Betty: Oh thanks! That's so sweet. And here you go. Regular size half decaf with just a little room for non-fat milk. On your way to the office?

Fork: (jovial) Sure am! I'm ready to answer thousands of phone calls and shuffle piles of paper today! Look out world! Here I come!

Betty: That's so neat that you like what you do.

Fork: What do you do?

Betty: (sheepishly, self-effacing) I'm...an actress.

Fork: You are?

Betty: Yes.

Fork: Wow. That's--I used to be an actor.

Betty: Oh really?

Fork: Yeah. But I had to make rent. So... I sold my soul to corporate even though I swore I'd never do that again. (changing gears) But it's good. I mean, I love gadgets, y'know, like iPods and phones and stuff and those tend to be expensive, so... so it's good that I can get them.

Betty: Aw, but that's so sad that you don't get to act anymore. If I couldn't act again I'd just die.

Fork: Oh, I do. I just...don't. Much. I do some off-off Broadway things every now and then but... y'know.

Betty: But you came to New York to be an actor.

Fork: Yeah. I did.

Betty: Golly.

Fork: What?

Betty: That's the saddest thing I ever heard.


Me: How awful! I can't do that! I can't go legit! I can't go back to being an office admin! I already did it once and I swore I'd never go back! I'm 27! I have so much more to offer the world than to wrap myself up in another lame office environment!

Psycholofork: Now, now. Let's not lose our head. A panicked state can sometimes lead to rash decisions.

Me: (regaining composure) Yes. Yes.

Psycholofork: All right then. You mentioned things could go two ways. Let's examine the other way things could go.

Me: The other way I see things going is me staying on the path I'm already on.


To be continued...