Unicorn Boy

Health insurance is a wonderful thing. For mere pennies a day, you can go see a doctor whose job it is to focus entirely on you--on the cheap! Yessir...whenever I feel lonely or that nobody's paying attention to me, I do what Queen III does: I cook up some sort of ailment and walk myself across the street to the downtown clinic.

But you only have health insurance when you're employed. And since my employment at Eventual Practical Financial Services Inc, Corp is drawing to a close, I figured it was high time to check out something that's bothered me for most of my life but has only recently become a problem.

I was in the 20 Minute Ab-Killer Class yesterday evening. We were using those big exercise balls. At one point, the instructor had us roll on it so the backs of our heads were resting on them.

"Ouch," I said. "That hurts."

I've had this bump on the back of my head, right where the spine meets the skull. I've had it for years and years and years and years and years. It never bothered me, except when I'd go get a haircut and they'd have me lean back to wash my hair in the sink. I could never get comfortable.

Well, here lately this harmless little bump has gotten...well...bigger. Pointier.

"This is so cool!" I initially thought. "Maybe I'm growing a horn out of the back of my head! I've always wondered what it would be like to be a sideshow attraction. Now people everywhere will want to study me! I'll be a star! It'll be my ticket to fame and fortune!"

But when the bump got in the way of my ab exercises, I knew something had to be done about it. Nobody messes with my abs.

I did some research online, trying to figure out what the dag-blamed thing could be. According to the various articles Google pulled up for me, it could be...

Cancer

An alien tracking device

A genetic indication of possible Melungeon ancestry

A genetic indication of latent psychic abilities

After going to the doctor, I learned that it's nothing nearly so exciting. It's just a good, old-fashioned cyst that's become infected and needs to be removed. Now.

Good Lord. Not again.