Prissy Penguins

Everycity, USA - The impossible romance that shocked the world came to a grinding halt just days ago when Silo and Roy, New York City's famous "gay penguins", broke up after a news interview with FabTV, during which the two birds made a shocking discovery: they’re both male.

"Roy’s a dude?" Silo asked when reporters pressed him with questions about his penguin partner. He passed out in his iceberg home in the Central Park Zoo moments later.

"Apparently nobody ever told the two arctic birds that they were both male," said zoologist Fanny Shuffleboard. "This was their first-ever news interview. The reporters showed up, many of them wearing purple triangles on their shirts, and Silo asked, 'What's with all the gay shirts?'”

His query was answered by FabTV reporter, Paisley Korbel, who declared loudly, "Because you're the most fabulous gay penguins of all time!"

Silo and Roy have not spoken since.

"Everyone at the zoo is heartbroken," said pink flamingo-keeper Dannie Reilly. "Silo and Roy have been popular gay icons for years. They were special. Now they're just a couple of 'breeders'. It feels like someone died."

Gay activist groups, many of whom were Silo and Roy's closest friends during their unwitting romance, have turned hostile and formed picket lines in front of the zoo.

"They've been brainwashed by right-wing Christian groups," said activist Susan Parsnip, 42. "We know they're gay, despite what Roy, Silo and everyone else says."

But Silo insists that he "digs chicks" and that his romance with Roy was “a huge mistake.” In fact, he has already shacked up with a high society penguin from San Diego named Scrappy. According to insider reports, they're hard at work on their first egg.

Roy hasn’t had such luck.

He began keeping a daily blog shortly after discovering Silo’s gender, which averaged almost 700 hits per day. But all that changed last Tuesday when Roy posted that his zookeepers wanted to send him to a private camp in Tennessee—a camp for struggling homosexual penguins.

Since then, his blog has been updated only sporadically, with cryptic messages such as, “Leave me alone” and “I’m not gay” and “I don’t want to be your poster-boy.”

“We’re all worried about Roy,” said blogger Leroy Oppenheimer. “We suspect it isn’t even him writing in his blog anymore, that it’s the zookeepers writing for him. I don’t know him very well—I don’t know him at all, actually. But I know in my heart that Roy would never say those things.”

All this comes hot on the heels of the film, ‘Prance of the Penguins’, a critically acclaimed documentary narrated by Liza Minnelli, which was inspired by the Silo and Roy story. In it, scientists and theologians conjecture that gay penguins are evidence of “fabulous design” and that their mating habits are evidence that God exists. And is gay.

But with the breakup of Silo and Roy, box office revenues for ‘Prance’ have plummeted, resulting in what may be the biggest box-office bomb in Hollywood history.

Tensions all across the country have been high since this story broke. Our crack team of reporters was even violently attacked by fanatical college-grad, Nimber O'Werner.

"Why can't you leave those penguins alone and let them pursue their potential as heterosexuals?" O'Werner raved. "You're always telling people to be true to themselves but the second anybody deviates from the path that serves your own little agenda you raise holy hell! This is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard."

In San Francisco, many are described as being "at a loss."

“We’re at a loss,” said FabTV reporter, Korbel, who also heads up the San Francisco gay pride parade planning committee. “We were hoping to have Silo and Roy be the grand marshals in the parade. Imagine how cute they’d have been in their little tuxes, waddling down the street, flipper in flipper.”

“Now it looks like we’ll have to use Carol Channing. Again.”