Business as Usual

I returned from Cackalackee ready to languish over this difficult decision. Leave New York and take the sacks of money they hand me, or stay in New York and keep hoping for a jackpot.

I told folks there was no effing way I'd take the job. And immediately after saying that, I began to think of all the good things that could come from it.

For one thing, I'd return to the land of enormous apartments, having a cat, and breathing fresh air.

Ten days to decide. I was ready to do this. I dug in my heels and prepared to plant the back of my hand firmly against my forehead for two weeks.

But the morning after getting back, my Mom sends me an email that began something like this:

"Had they NOT decided to move the film commish, your cousin was going to offer you the job."

Reading this at 7:30 in the morning meant I had to read that sentence three times before I grasped what she was telling me.

So that's it. The Cackalackee film co--

I'm sorry. I just have to stop for a second. This morning I'm typing from Cafe Netto and a bus just went by with Patti LuPone's mouth all open at me and some snippet saying that her performance in GYPSY is going to be the stuff of legend. I'm sorry. I've seen almost every big show this season surprisingly well-acted season and her performance was only memorable for being so overhyped, ham-fisted, and unreal. Oh well.

So that's it. The Cackalackee film commission has been moved to the department of...something stupid that doesn't make sense. Like...the department of dairy cows and tobacco farmers or soemthing. It's a totally boneheaded move.

My Mom, being in politics herself, told me about all the things the politicians are doing, etc. etc. and I've finally come to the conclusion that most politicians do NOT have our best interests at heart. It's all about egos. It's all about power. It's all about saying, "Yes, I set up this such-and-such million-dollar, tax-sucking program during my tenure--see? It's named after me" or "Yes, I am the one who moved the film commish from the department that makes sense to the department that doesn't."

I don't know why I'm pissed about this. I guess because I don't like seeing people do stupid stuff with perfectly good things. You've got something perfectly good or you've got a way to make it better, but then people come along determined to destroy it or ruin it. And what's frustrating is that they don't seem to have a real REASON for wanting to do it. They just stare blankly back at you when you say, "J'accuse!" and go back to pulling the wings of butterflies.

But back to the Decision.

I was robbed, dammit.

I wanted to make this decision. I wanted, as the Cachinnator and I discussed while I was down there, to make this decision to prove to myself that my fate hasn't been the result of unfurling my sails and letting the wind take me where it will. I want to feel like I at LEAST put my hand on the rudder and made it go GENERALLY toward that attractive little island with palm trees, coconuts, and an underground dungeon.

But that's life for you. That's God for you.

"Oh no you don't, Fork!"

And that Door shuts with a quick snap.

So to make myself feel better, I went and got a spray-on tan.

And you know what?

I DO feel better.

I feel a LOT better. And all it took was to pay someone to make me brown.

In fact, I can't look into a mirror now without thinking those oft-lampooned words from the famous "Character's Sudden Discovery of Physical Beauty That Was Really There All Along" scene from GYPSY...

I'm a pretty girl, mama!

-------

Going to really try to get a Forkulele song recorded today. In the meantime, look at what I'm doing next week! Yep. I'm the "life" they're talking about. Okay. Time to hit the gym.