Time for a brief update...
Our El Nino winter has broken temporarily. While we had been experiencing downright Texas temps this winter, this morning I left my apartment (on this, the first day off in recent memory that it WASN'T pouring rain!) and was met with shocking cold. My nose froze off. It did.
I'm sitting at Café Netto and two more Noo Yoouhkuhhs are sitting behind me. They sound exactly like characters out of a movie. While I might be charmed by such a thing, it leads me to something I've been meaning to blog about for a while.
Our El Nino winter has broken temporarily. While we had been experiencing downright Texas temps this winter, this morning I left my apartment (on this, the first day off in recent memory that it WASN'T pouring rain!) and was met with shocking cold. My nose froze off. It did.
I'm sitting at Café Netto and two more Noo Yoouhkuhhs are sitting behind me. They sound exactly like characters out of a movie. While I might be charmed by such a thing, it leads me to something I've been meaning to blog about for a while.
Location: The Numbtindoughland Store, the Gii Sports game station.
Me: Anybody wanna play Gii Sports?
Jersey June: (she is thin, Italian, wears blue eyeliner, and is smacking gum LOUDLY with her two little daughters--who look like miniature clones of their mother) *smack* *smack* *smack* How much is dis $#!+?
I have to resist the urge to reply, "Dis $#!+ is $250."
Or how about this?
Me: Anybody wanna play Gii Sports?
New York Nell: Do you have any more Giis?
Me: No, we're sold out.
New York Nell: You $#!+ing me?
Or how about this very moment? Right behind me at Café Netto!
Bronx Bob: %#*ing #$7, I don't give a #(%&ing &#$(! What the %*(^? This is ()*%^$.
Or how about the director for this little show I'm doing?
Director Da'ahnnille: I could pretend to know what this play is about, but honestly, I'd just be $^&*ing you.
Okay, guys. I know this is Noo Yuck. I'm aware of this. But what I wasn't aware of is how Yankees were never taught manners. Seriously. What the &*)% is wrong with these people? Why can't they &*(&ing quit cussing all the &*)(%ing time?
I was very pleased yesterday to see the Bush protestors in Crime Square. Why, you ask? Because right next to them were some anti-protestors. Upon first glance, it reminded me of when A-Dub and I exercised our freedom of speech and stood up for Dubya, quietly and dignified. Of course, that doesn't fly here. Everybody, even the anti-protestors, were screaming at the top of their lungs.
That's just it. People here scream everything as if their lives depend on it. How is it the entire population of Noo Yuck isn't constantly doubled over in pain from their ulcers? I can't figure it out. Chill out, people? You guys are &*(%ing nuts.
Rehearsals have begun for the little show. It's...maybe I should refrain from saying anything until it's all over. You know how we 21st Century kids are. So let's just say it's fine. I guess. I mean, I'm going to give a good performance, anyway. Dammit.
Now Bronx Bob is asking, "Have you ever heard a gun go off in a car? It's #&*(ing loud!"
A gun going off in a car couldn't possibly be any louder than these rubes yaking away behind me. Dang. They're SO LOUD!!!! I'm THIS close to turning around and shouting something myself. Something along the lines of,
"SHUT UP! READ A BOOK!"
Rehearsals have begun for the little show. It's...maybe I should refrain from saying anything until it's all over. You know how we 21st Century kids are. So let's just say it's fine. I guess. I mean, I'm going to give a good performance, anyway. Dammit.
Now Bronx Bob is asking, "Have you ever heard a gun go off in a car? It's #&*(ing loud!"
A gun going off in a car couldn't possibly be any louder than these rubes yaking away behind me. Dang. They're SO LOUD!!!! I'm THIS close to turning around and shouting something myself. Something along the lines of,
"SHUT UP! READ A BOOK!"
4 comments:
Careful, Forky, or you'll develop one of those f#%^ing ulcers yourself.
What you need is a dose of good ol' downhome Texas cheer. Now if only I could think of someone from the Lone Star State who might have their spring break free and a spare $200 in cash...
(And P.S., it's $%^&ing cold down here, too; I won't tell you what froze on my person this morning because there might be children reading this post. Let's just say...no more shorts in January.)
I haven't had a good laugh in a long time.
Going along with the post...you are $%&+ing funny.
Pardon me, did I just type that?
That reminds me, I've been meaning to order you one of those t-shirts that says, "Nucking Futs." 'Cause it's so classy. Maybe for your birthday!
Fork you!
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