Wait...Maybe Christmas Really IS Magic

Hold on to your sugar-plum fairies, folks. Because I'm about to pull a total reversal. That's right. I'm here today to tell you the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular is the most spectacular damn thing I've seen in a month of Christmases. In fact, it was so Christmassy, I'm afraid I have to confess that I might have been wrong. Maybe Christmas really IS magic.

It was so spectacular, in fact, that no words in the vernacular can describe this great event. You'll be dumb with wonderment.

The only thing the show DIDN'T have was the Amazing Acrobats of China. If that show had had the Amazing Acrobats of China, that would have been it. I'd've pooped my pants.

Still, Chinese Acrobats or no, the quality and orbiting-the-moon production values of this show gave me pause.

How can "they" allow other people--like your average lame-o theatre in Everycity, for instance--how can they allow those folks to put on shows that claim to be chock full of hours of forget-your-worries entertainment that never deliver, when there exists an event, an experience, a bedazzlement like that line of legs? The cartwheeling midgets? The ice skating rink that appears on stage? The donkeys, camels, and flock of sheep???

I'm telling you. Those ladies in that show take a licking and keep on kicking. And what's more, they melted my Scroogified heart with their snappy ditties, their ukuleles, and tap-tap-tapping. How could any Ebenezer resist THAT?

Of course, the best part came when we took a 3D ride on Santa's sleigh. At one point, some presents fall out of his bag and hover in front of our 3D-spectacled faces. The audience fell over themselves with screams as they reached out greedily for the imaginary packages that promised to fill that void in their hearts. I laughed and made a mental note of the event. If I ever become a preacher or something, I think that would make a swell sermon.

Meanwhile, it's business as usual at Numbtindoughland. The CD of video game music I made for the store keeps being rejected by the DVD player in the back room. We still have lines of people camping out for Giis.

It was 20 degrees this morning and, fool that I am, I didn't bring my gloves. So I thought, "I know, I'll get a cup of coffee!" Problem is, to hold the coffee, one of my hands had to be out in the elements. It wasn't long before I exclaimed, "DANG! My hand is freakin COLD!" I switched hands. And seconds later, "DANG! My other hand is freakin COLD!" This charade continued until I was a mere two blocks from the coffee shop. I could take it no more. To keep me from having to amputate my frost-bitten fingers, I dumped the completely full $2.05 cup of Starbucks Christmas blend in the trash and plunged my hands into my pockets.

It was so cold my nose froze. Seriously. I had to go inside somewhere and warm up for a second before continuing my five block journey. And when I got to the store, guess what? There was ANOTHER line of people waiting to get their hands on the Numbtindough Gii. It was 7:30am! These people got in line at 4am! I couldn't stop myself. I said MUCH too loudly as I walked, "You're crazy! You're ALL CRAZY!" Fortunately, none of them heard me. And even if they did, I look really different with my hair pulled back in a pony.

Never being one to pass up a buck, I did accept some "temp work" on my day off a couple of days ago. I also failed to pick up a cup of coffee. That afternoon, in the middle of a particularly languid pose--er--power point presentation, I fell asleep for a few minutes. For real.

So imagine how I felt when I woke up, having forgotten where I was.

"Oh my gosh! Who are all these strangers looking at me? Why am I sitting next to an ironing board with a pair of antlers on it? Holy crap! Where are my clothes? I must be dreaming! Oh...wait...no. I'm just at work."