Location: The Gii Sports station on the first floor. Louie Lefty, a toddler of about four years, is playing the baseball game.
Mad Mom: SIR! SIR! My son lost at home run derby because he's left-handed and you had the game set as right handed!
(without saying a word, I pluck the controller from the twerp's hand. I go to the character-select screen and began shouting "Merry Christmas to all! Happy, happy holidays! Christmas is magic!" as I made the character left handed for every sport in the Gii Sports game. I plunk the controller back in the whelp's southpaw and run around the corner to cool down. I observe the kid's lousy batting from there)
Me: Maybe you're better off batting righty, kid.
(Fortunately, Mad Mom is on the other side of the store, not paying a lick of attention. Apparently she, like so many other soccer moms, just wanted to fight about something. The kid starts swinging uncomfortably close to the plastic display cube the Gii is sitting in. I know I have to do something)
Me: Excuse me, buddy. I really don't want to touch you because I'm afraid of your mom, but could you take a big step back? Thanks.
1 comment:
You could write a really good parody of Thayer's "Casey at the Bat" using that story:
'The sneer has fled from Mommy's lip,
Regained, her glassy stare,
Her son, with dopey clutziness,
Swings wildly in the air.
And now the Forky clears his throat,
And now he licks his lips,
And now the nimrod kiddo
Swings so wildly that he trips.
Oh, somewhere in this grimy burg
The parents aren't so bad,
They spank their children somewhere,
And Christmas makes folks glad.
And, somewhere, smarter children
Know not to break their Wiis,
But here, Forky must whisper,
"Take one more step back, please."
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