It's December 22nd. I have the day off. I haven't done and Christmas shopping because I'm afraid to spend money. I haven't written a Christmas letter because I don't know what to say. I haven't stopped eating the Christmas cookies my sister sent me because they make me feel happy.

I have a confession to make.

"What? Another? Honestly, every time I read this blog I feel like I'm Forky's priest or something. And he's not even Catholic. OR Episcopalian!"

Spending Christmas by yourself really sucks.

Up until now I've tried to put on a brave face. I've told myself lies about how cool it is that I'm spending Christmas in the coolest city on planet earth. I've tried to distract myself with my job. It works--but eventually I have to clock out and make the lonely walk home, knowing that, in just a few short days, everybody is going to be doing pagan jigs around their Christmas trees with the entire family.

Everybody, that is, except me.

No, on Christmas Eve, I'm leaving work and descending into the subway once again (oh yes--a few drunken nights ago I did this) and playing sweet, sweet Christmas tunes on my ocarina, hopefully making some change in the process. Then I'll walk home, turn off my phone, mutter, "There's no such person as Santa Claus!" and go to bed.

At Numbtindoughland, we're all doing Secret Santas. When approached about participating I thought, "Sure! This'll be a cute, inexpensive little thing to do."

Thing is, since there are so many temps, none of us were exactly sure of what to get one another. So up went the Santa's Wish List in the break room.

"Holy crap," I thought. "Someone's asking for the new Sellda game. That's $50. Good grief--here's someone asking for a $35 Numbtindough BS game! Geeze! What is wrong with these people?? Secret Santa is supposed to have a $20 limit!"

I asked around. Turns out OUR Secret Santa has a $20 MINIMUM!

What does my Secret Santa want? A big bottle of Jameson. No. I'm not kidding.

I know we're all video game nerds and techno geeks so our tastes are naturally more expensive, but come on. At $12 an hour in NYC, I can't afford to drop $40 on a near-stranger! That's cruel!

I'm not gonna be one of those guys. I just asked for the $6 Mario plush. We'll see if Santa delivers.

In the meantime I'm going to spend the rest of my day sitting here and sighing as if my heart will break.

I think I'm going to pretend Christmas has been cancelled this year. Or maybe it would be best to take the Ebeneezer Scrooge approach and look down on people celebrating while I secretly longing to be among them.

I'll let you know what I come up with. One way or another, it's gonna be good.