I looked at my company calendar today to figure out when I'm going to use up my remaining 2005 paid time off. Then I saw something I wasn't ready for.
Christmas is two weeks away!! As in, next Saturday is Christmas Eve!
And somebody hasn't done ANY Christmas shopping yet.
So somebody is going to remedy that. Thing is, somebody has hit a bit of a snag.
You see, my brother Forko is getting married on January 7th, 2006, to a lovely girl from Belgium. And what do you get for a girl who comes from the land that gave us waffles, chocolates, and koo-koo clocks?
Now, before you all start bringing up the atrocities committed by Belgians in World War II (and really, who can forget them?), just remember last weekend when you were driving across town and you cut that guy off who was trying to get in the other lane. My point? We all make mistakes.
Waffelle is here in the states now. And Santa Claus is readying his sleigh with a car-seat for the Baby Jesus (that's for another post).
I'm in a bind! I'm asking you--yes, YOU! You there, reading this post!--Help me think of something to get for Waffelle for Christmas! Most people will be getting Forko and Waffelle ordinary wedding things like rags and banana holders. Waffelle is bound to experience a little culture shock when she gets here. She's also bound to be a little bored as she won't be able to work until her citizenship goes through. Bearing those things in mind, what can I get that will really say "Welcome to America!" in an entertaining yet culturally sensitive sort of way?
And just in case you need a little prodding...THIS time around, the winning suggestion will receive a swell gift! I'm not kidding either!
So start sending in your entertaining yet culturally sensitive gift ideas! The polls will close on Thursday night at the stroke of midnight! Vote, vote, vote!
12 comments:
Might I suggest..Donkey Konga?
After all it will remind her of her native home country, where eighties music abounds in bars and Ye old Taverns that dot the Belgium.
Also I hear the Belgium people once owned the congo, so what better way to say Welcome to America than by reminding her of her country's Colonialism
I'm going to vote for something quite cultural of Texas. What better way to Welcome Waffelle that by showing her what Wonderfully Colorful people live right here in the Lone Star State. You should get her a cook-book that is filled with Texan Delicacies.
I have just the one, it has both wonderful Texas meals and it is Filled with witty stories of life in Texas by one of Texas own sons. What is the title of such a wonderful work of useful literature???
KILL IT AND GRILL IT By none other that Texas favorite son...TED NUGENT!!!!!!
Buy it Forky...she'll love you for it.
Ah, Forky... the answer seems obvious to me. She's Belgian and she's in Texas. We all know that the Belch speak German so the perfect gift is clearly a season pass to Schlitterbahn! It's German for 'slippery road' and it is clearly an existential expression of her journey to Texas. She will travel from the familiar to the unfamiliar as she enters the gates of a place with a familiar name and seemingly familiar sights, (i.e. blonde hair, fake boobs), and finds herself in a world further away than over the rainbow in the Texan land of white trash and rebel flag t-shirts. Waffelle will feel all toasty inside by the thoughtfulness and uniqueness of your 'zer gut' gift.
a pie server.
nothing says America like a nice silver pie server.
I would go with a copy of that great American classic of the silver screen, "Mommie Dearest." She hasn't experienced American cinema until she's witnessed Faye Dunaway rolling around on the floor trying to strangle her daughter. God Bless America!
This is simple, Buy her a computer with a internet access. This way she can read your blogs and she can line up her life while she is waiting for her green card.
Wow...these are all...interesting ideas. Let's price a few of them, shall we?
Donkey Konga (with GameCube): $150
Kill it and Grill it: $15.00
Schlitterbahn Season Pass: $90.00
Pie Server: $10.00
'Mommie Dearest': $10.99
'Elf': $12.99
A Computer: $619.99
How about a crystal Christmas tree ornament from Tiffany? For one thing, every year when they put it on the tree, they'll always remember it as a token of their first Christmas together. For another thing, nothing says "special occasion" like a blue box with a white bow! Very appropriate for a wedding. There's one that's a sort of Texasy star. And at around $65, it's moderately priced (compared to other suggestions). And there's no need to be intimidated about going into Tiffany & Co. (as I used to be). It's very "Miracle on 34th Street"--they're SUPER-nice to everybody, even if you look like you don't belong in a store with Secret-Service-looking armed guards all over the place.
Hey...is this really Queen III?
EVERY girl loves Tiffany's.
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