(scene: the receptionist desk on the 42nd floor. Candie has just returned from lunch--I have been relieving her as usual.)
Me: Hey Candie, have you heard about the contest that the Big Boss wants to throw?
Candie: No, what is it?
Me: He thought it would be fun to have some sort of company contest and the winner gets this nice champagne basket thing.
Candie: Wow! I wanna win!
Me: Oh, I know! I'm all out of alcohol at my apartment and I'm in desperate need of some with which to medicate my occasional feelings of purposelessness.
Candie: Me too!
(Ginjur, the petite admin who looks just about as sweet as she can be, enters with a clipboard.)
Ginjur: Y'all had better hurry up and get your ideas for the contest to me! We're going to settle on what we're doing for the contest around 3:30 today.
Candie: What are some of the ideas?
Ginjur: Well, one idea is to see who can carve the Eventual Practical Services logo out of candy...
Me: Sounds hard.
Ginjur: And another is to have an obstacle course around the office...
Candie: Fun!
Ginjur: And another is to rewrite the lyrics to a Holiday Song.
Me: You mean a Christmas carol?
Ginjur: (instantly explosive) Oh don't you dare start that [expletive]!
Me: (stunned for a moment. Then) What?
Ginjur: That [expletive]! You'd better not be one of those people who boycott places that call things "Holiday" instead of "Christmas".
Me: No. I'm just saying that, for example, 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' is a Christmas song. What's wrong with calling it what it is?
Ginjur: (really cooking now, eyes aglow and hair standing up--the girl obviously has a major axe to grind with Christmas) Look, if YOU want to call it a Christmas tree, that's your thing. If you have a problem with me calling it a Holiday Tree, that's not my problem, that's YOUR problem for having such closed-minded beliefs!
Me: I think you're wrong. It's a Christmas tree. It's not a Stocking tree. It's not a Winter tree. It's not a Giving tree. It's a Christmas tree. We put them up for Christmas. Would it make any sense to call a Menorah a Holiday Candle?
(Ginjur exits in a blind rage)
6 comments:
Wow... way to press some buttons! Sounds sorta unpleasant, but of course, some people just can't handle reason and logic. Sometimes all this "holiday" stuff really blows my mind because it's just so SILLY. When did we become such a namby-pamby country who are afraid to call things by their correct names in case somebody gets their feelings hurt? Since when do members of one religion have the right to be offended by the mere mention of the holiday of another religion?
Wow. She sounds like a cocker spaniel!
I KNOW!
Merry Christmas, Bastards!
Well, praise the Lord we can still call Santa Claus by his full and completely non-religious name. I mean, imagine if people were still calling him "Father Christmas"! I suppose that would have to be reduced to "Holiday Guardian" so as not to offend the Jewish lesbian community. Sheesh.
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