I keep having weird health issues.
Here's the latest: I can't hear anything out of my right ear.
I've taken to sleeping on my side lately. Sometimes when I wake up, it takes a couple of bonks on the side of my head to get my ear to "pop open" again after sleeping on it. But really, it's not been anything to worry about.
Until three days ago when, no matter how much I bonked, shook, rattled, rinsed, blew, steamed, and hung upside down, I CANNOT get my right ear to open back up.
Imagine going around all day plugging your ear with your finger. Now you know how it feels.
It's REALLY weird. You know how people with one eye don't have depth perception? Well, I no longer have SOUND perception.
That is, in the last two shows this weekend, I could hear that the audience WAS laughing, but I couldn't tell how LOUDLY they were laughing. So I didn't know if I needed to hold for laughs or keep going.
At the Good Stuffs Art Academy, some girl put on her bluegrass mix. Not my first choice, but whatevs. No big deal. Oh wait--now everything is just a wash of noise. I can tell that people ARE talking, but I can't make out what ANYBODY is saying.
I'm wondering if this is like one of those little God Curses of yore. You know. Like what'shisface being struck dumb for not believing his wife was gonna have John the Baptist.
Maybe I need to fast. Or get married to a woman who's going to have a baby prophet.
Whatever happens, it's really dreadful. And what's worse, today, in the middle of my second modeling gig, I was struck down with ANOTHER MIGRAINE! That's TWO IN TWO DAYS! I wonder if they're related to my hearing issues.
Oh geeze. I hope I'm not dying. Who will pay for my funeral?
2 comments:
Go and get a shot of Cortisone in your ass. That's the only thing that made a difference when my mutant right ear fused shut a few years back.
And Lord Nelson will cover your funeral expenses, should you expire. He's come into quite a bit of wealth since his Great Aunt Busheltwitch passed away. She was Kitty Gentry, of the Gravesend Busheltwitches.
It's not that uncommon or weird. You really should go to a doctor and make sure it isn't a serious infection; the migraines likely are related. If you go around with an ear infection for too long you could have permanent hearing damage. GO!
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