Okay. It's over. Christmas came and we didn't get a Nintendo game. We got a bulk package of 8 Jumbo-Size (equal to 24 regular rolls!) Ultra Strong Charmin toilet paper instead.
I'm fine. We'll hold our heads high and move on. After all, that's why God invented birthdays.
That said...
I can abide a lot of things.
But if you want to talk trash about Sarah Palin...MY Sarah Palin...do so at your own peril.
I mean it. My ire is up and this s#it will get very real very quickly.
The Cachinnator is a good, hard working leader in Wackytown. The work he's done there has transformed the city. And he posed for a publicity photo without knowing his zipper was down.
My mother is a good, hard working leader in the Cackalakee state government. She fights every day to protect the poor people of her state. And she did a television interview without getting the chance to touch up her make-up first.
Sarah Palin tried to play nice with Katie Couric and walked away having said a couple of dumb things--oh yeah, and she doesn't think we should kill babies. Does that mean she's anti-intellectual?
Does this mean my mother is anti-pretty?
Or that the Cachinnator is anti-pants?
No. It means they're people. And if you spend two minutes with them, you know that they are GOOD people. They have worked very hard to do the right thing. When they speak, they speak with courage and conviction and with a desire to make their communities better places. You look at their character and know that they are the GOOD GUYS.
The Cachinnator has been smeared by people in his town who have accused him of being one of the "racist, rich Wackytown elite". My mother has been exposed to the same sort of blind hatred by ignorant people who think she's "inexperienced" and "overpaid" for the twelve hour days she works to protect her very attackers. Likewise, Sarah Palin has been blasted by people (friends included!) who think she's a dizzy airhead and the "anti-woman".
You may not agree with everything they've done. You may think they're fools. You may think they're stupid. You may think they have funny accents. Welcome to America. That's your right.
But it's also my right to say that if you should be so desirous as to imply that they are bad people, stupid people, ugly people, greedy people, pornographers or spin-masters, BE FOREWARNED--you will find yourself on the receiving end of a very, VERY pointy Fork.
9 comments:
ooooh Fork, you can really DISH.
it out.
Wow, subduing opposing opinions through threats and intimidation tactics.
I never would have expected that strategy from a Republican.
I love you Fork, but Sarah Palin is not an intelligent woman. She may not be evil (in fact, I'm rather sure she's not; evil requires a higher IQ), she's certainly not Joan Crawfordesque, and she's certainly not the only person to make a fool of herself on television.
But like Mr. Churchill, I will never surrender my assertion of her ignorance. Never. Never. Never.
Stop, Bibb. You're missing the point of this post.
Then perhaps you should clarify.
Because to this Bibb, it reads like you're simultaneously affirming and denying the democratic right to criticize a public candidate for office, something you've certainly had no problem doing ad nauseum for the past several months.
And your rhetoric about the Cach and your mother is manipulative at best: "Criticize Palin and you're picking on my Mom" sounds a bit too much like "Oppose the war, and you're opposing Liberty, Freedom, Justice, and the American Way!"
The race is over; let it go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Now those weren't very nice things to say! And why would you instruct me to "let it go" when you won't stop picking on Palin?
Okay, maybe I was a little over the top in saying, "You better not pick on Palin or I'll punch you in the effing 'nads."
I probably shouldn't have tried to be clever or entertaining and just say,
"Hello. Sarah Palin is someone I admire. She reminds me of other hard-working Americans I know. I'm still a little upset because of the election results. So please be gentle and don't say mean things about her while I'm around because it will make me sad."
I'm surprised by your comments, Bibb. You really hurt my feelings there.
I didn't intend to hurt your feelings, Fork. You know I have nothing but admiration for you and your hilarious blog.
However, in response to your comment, I have stopped picking on Palin. You'll notice that I posted no OV-Day (Obama Victory) notice on Tuesday because, like you, I'm NOT crazy about the man. But your postings continue to ridicule him, and I suppose your mandate that anyone who dislikes "YOUR" Sarah Palin should just shut the hell up rubbed me the wrong way.
Admittedly, I live in a RED state with my conservative RED family, where any suggestion that there might be even the smallest problem with the Republican worldview is met with condescension or outright hostility. So perhaps, like you, I'm just sick of being told to keep my mouth shut and get on board the political bandwagon.
So maybe we're more alike than we know. Maybe we should just hold hands and sing "Everything is Beautiful" by Ray Stevens. But I think you should know, Forky, that I criticize because I care.
I do feel the uber-intellectual crowd is suffering from a good dose of arrogance when it comes to Palin. They cannot see that certain things about this election were lopsided and biased and refuse to believe that they could have been deceived into thinking so.
I think you are right on here, Fork. If I wanted I could splice a bunch of Katie Couric videos together and make it sound like Katie enjoys picking old-man butt when she's not fondling her dog's red rocket in cool, autumn leaves, I could. Oh yes, I could. You think I'm exaggerating? I'm not. Editors are geniuses. Timing is everything. Just watch the Office.
More importantly, read the Palin transcripts, Bibb, and realize that maybe, just maybe, you were duped a little. You are a smart man, I'm sure of it. Most English majors are. They most certainly pride themselves in being so - most times justifiably so. They collect 10-dollar words (as Hemingway called them,) and delight in their ability to use them in judgment over other people's stupidity. In this case, though you are quite entertaining, and I have laughed heartily at your comments, I believe, respectfully, that you have been at least partially duped.
In the case of this election, and with Sarah Palin, it was the blind leading the blind and you and many other smart people bought every word of it. She is no Einstein, but she is no Gump or Bubba. (An “idiot.”) She has had great success as a governor and the fact that not a single arrogant soul can admit at least that, is evidence enough for me to know that we have been sold a bill of goods, both on Obama and on Palin. More than anything, they WANT to believe she is an idiot.
I can go line-by-line in those interviews and show you the cuts and why they were made. The main reason for every question or cut was to make her look bad.
As you have stated that you pride yourself in being able to recognize the idiots, I pride myself in recognizing saboteur editing. Couric is notorious for putting people on the spot and slicing their throats in the editing room.
Did you watch the Hannidy interview as a comparison, uncut and honest? She is no dummy. She just became a favorite punching bag of the media because for the first time, even over H. Clinton, Obama's chances were actually threatened. It caused small and quiet riots in the Obamedia and Obama enlisted a small army of lawyers to destroy her, all-the-while Palin was giving middle-aged, horny-for-Obama women nightmares. The media was more than happy to help, and help they did, and continue to do so.
The bottom line is, Palin isn’t going away. I predict a Palin presidency in 4 years. Your hope of Palin's career-destruction is over. You can't erase her from the political scene; you have to let the hope for that go.
I hope this comment was not taken in any way “condescending.” (Which means, “to talk down to.”)
P.S., this comment was written in cheerful spirits and was not meant to offend or be personal. I am a recovering wise-ass. All in good fun!
Actually, I was referring to your assertion in your first comment here that Sarah Palin couldn't be evil because she's too stupid to be.
But that aside...
If I've been doing too many Obama posts, well, I'll try to pull back, but honestly, I'm afraid of that guy and I'm afraid of the designs he has for our country.
And while some may pat me on the head and say, "Now now Fork, everything will remain exactly the same as it was before," I'm not at all sure that's the case.
I should have been much clearer. The subtext of "A Word of Caution" was an angry Fork shaking his fist at Manhattan and shouting, "SHE DOES NOT EAT BABIES! DO YOU HEAR ME NEW YORK?! LIVE BRITNEY--er--PALIN ALOOOOONE!"
Still, the fact that we've made up so quickly is a little disappointing to me. I had already cooked up a massive "Tolkien is a Fag" campaign, complete with posters of him tonguing Charles Dickens.
I'm kidding.
Sort of. ;^)
Perhaps, Seth, perhaps. I'm tired of this merry-go-round argument. I say Palin is stupid without media interference; you say the media makes her look stupid and not stupid, depending on the forum. I say something like, "Yes, but the St. Louis Vice Presidential Debate was broadcast live, so how can her inane (which means "empty, insubstantial") comments have been tampered with by the insidious imps of the news media in that case?" Then you come back with something undoubtedly clever and well-supported, and before you know it, we're all unemployed, deserted by family and friends, and sitting in a pool of our own urine in front of the computer screen.
I suppose we'll just have to ATD on this one. Well-played, gentlemen, but I must go to bed, and so must this debate (at least as far as I'm concerned).
And Tolkien was most definitely NOT a fag, though I'm not entirely sure about Dickens. I mean, when it's a part of your very name...
You're still my favorite Big City Untensil, Fork-o-rama. Never forget it. :)
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