I hate Christmas.
No really. I do.
Something has GOT to be done about this.
For the second year in a row, I feel like Christmas is happening for everybody but me. Ain't got no tree. Ain't got no turkey. Ain't got no egg nog. Ain't got no stockin' or reindeer.
Whaddoo I got? I got a bunch of angry customers screaming at me for the Nofriendo Gii shortage.
"Why don't you just make more?"
"Why don't you just want it less?" I reply.
No really. I do.
Seriously, folks. There's nothing more awful than to see desperate parents clamoring for this thing. They glare at you, they yell at you, they tell you you're a loser and that's why you work at NofriendoWorldLand instead of doing something more important with your life.
No, I'm not kidding! They're awful!
It's time to get rid of presents for Christmas. I've got no money to buy stuff for people. Good grief. I just want to eat lots of delicious food, see my friends, and somehow, some way, see Nelson. Presents, schmesents. What I wouldn't give for a declawed cat!
Wait...does that count as a present?
2 comments:
You should read David Sedaris's Holidays On Ice this Christmas. It did me and my angry holiday cynicism a world of good. Just remember that no matter how bad Nofriendoland may get, at least you're not a SantaLand Elf at Macy's.
Oh, and be sure to read "Christmas Means Giving." I laughed until I realized how true it was, and then I wept. Oh, how I wept.
Oh, and you come and see that damned Yule Cat any time you like. He's dreaming of a Fork Christmas.
Seriously, come down and visit. But don't come down between Dec. 24 and Dec. 29; the entire Gross-Jones-Allen-Pate family is staying in our tiny home for four days and nights. Plus a seven-month-old baby. And that danged cat.
Sheesh. Somebody save me from the holidays.
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