Saturday, December 17, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Sainty Claus!
Our office building is throwing a Christma--er--Holiday party for its tennants today! From 3-5 there will be Christma--uh--Holiday goodies to eat and hot chocolate to drink. But that's not the best of it.
Sainty Claus himself will be there JUST for the tennants so they can get their picture with him and tell him the deepest darkest desires of their flesh! I'm thrilled, I tell you. Only problem is, I'm not sure what to ask him for. Any ideas?
Sainty Claus himself will be there JUST for the tennants so they can get their picture with him and tell him the deepest darkest desires of their flesh! I'm thrilled, I tell you. Only problem is, I'm not sure what to ask him for. Any ideas?
Kwanz-uhh?
Major props to A-Dub for her well-written and revealing treatise on the origins of Kwanzaa. Take a peek! You might be surprised!
Time's a-wastin'!
Today is the last day to make a suggestion for Waffelle's Christmas gift! Make it a good one! And if you've already cast your vote, feel free to vote again!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Happy Effing Holidays!
(scene: the receptionist desk on the 42nd floor. Candie has just returned from lunch--I have been relieving her as usual.)
Me: Hey Candie, have you heard about the contest that the Big Boss wants to throw?
Candie: No, what is it?
Me: He thought it would be fun to have some sort of company contest and the winner gets this nice champagne basket thing.
Candie: Wow! I wanna win!
Me: Oh, I know! I'm all out of alcohol at my apartment and I'm in desperate need of some with which to medicate my occasional feelings of purposelessness.
Candie: Me too!
(Ginjur, the petite admin who looks just about as sweet as she can be, enters with a clipboard.)
Ginjur: Y'all had better hurry up and get your ideas for the contest to me! We're going to settle on what we're doing for the contest around 3:30 today.
Candie: What are some of the ideas?
Ginjur: Well, one idea is to see who can carve the Eventual Practical Services logo out of candy...
Me: Sounds hard.
Ginjur: And another is to have an obstacle course around the office...
Candie: Fun!
Ginjur: And another is to rewrite the lyrics to a Holiday Song.
Me: You mean a Christmas carol?
Ginjur: (instantly explosive) Oh don't you dare start that [expletive]!
Me: (stunned for a moment. Then) What?
Ginjur: That [expletive]! You'd better not be one of those people who boycott places that call things "Holiday" instead of "Christmas".
Me: No. I'm just saying that, for example, 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' is a Christmas song. What's wrong with calling it what it is?
Ginjur: (really cooking now, eyes aglow and hair standing up--the girl obviously has a major axe to grind with Christmas) Look, if YOU want to call it a Christmas tree, that's your thing. If you have a problem with me calling it a Holiday Tree, that's not my problem, that's YOUR problem for having such closed-minded beliefs!
Me: I think you're wrong. It's a Christmas tree. It's not a Stocking tree. It's not a Winter tree. It's not a Giving tree. It's a Christmas tree. We put them up for Christmas. Would it make any sense to call a Menorah a Holiday Candle?
(Ginjur exits in a blind rage)
Me: Hey Candie, have you heard about the contest that the Big Boss wants to throw?
Candie: No, what is it?
Me: He thought it would be fun to have some sort of company contest and the winner gets this nice champagne basket thing.
Candie: Wow! I wanna win!
Me: Oh, I know! I'm all out of alcohol at my apartment and I'm in desperate need of some with which to medicate my occasional feelings of purposelessness.
Candie: Me too!
(Ginjur, the petite admin who looks just about as sweet as she can be, enters with a clipboard.)
Ginjur: Y'all had better hurry up and get your ideas for the contest to me! We're going to settle on what we're doing for the contest around 3:30 today.
Candie: What are some of the ideas?
Ginjur: Well, one idea is to see who can carve the Eventual Practical Services logo out of candy...
Me: Sounds hard.
Ginjur: And another is to have an obstacle course around the office...
Candie: Fun!
Ginjur: And another is to rewrite the lyrics to a Holiday Song.
Me: You mean a Christmas carol?
Ginjur: (instantly explosive) Oh don't you dare start that [expletive]!
Me: (stunned for a moment. Then) What?
Ginjur: That [expletive]! You'd better not be one of those people who boycott places that call things "Holiday" instead of "Christmas".
Me: No. I'm just saying that, for example, 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' is a Christmas song. What's wrong with calling it what it is?
Ginjur: (really cooking now, eyes aglow and hair standing up--the girl obviously has a major axe to grind with Christmas) Look, if YOU want to call it a Christmas tree, that's your thing. If you have a problem with me calling it a Holiday Tree, that's not my problem, that's YOUR problem for having such closed-minded beliefs!
Me: I think you're wrong. It's a Christmas tree. It's not a Stocking tree. It's not a Winter tree. It's not a Giving tree. It's a Christmas tree. We put them up for Christmas. Would it make any sense to call a Menorah a Holiday Candle?
(Ginjur exits in a blind rage)
Roaring
Suppose a flapper--let's call her Jane--Suppose Flapper Jane took a bus to the big city, only she accidentally got off in the 21st century. What surprising things might she encounter?
Monday, December 12, 2005
Waffles
I looked at my company calendar today to figure out when I'm going to use up my remaining 2005 paid time off. Then I saw something I wasn't ready for.
Christmas is two weeks away!! As in, next Saturday is Christmas Eve!
And somebody hasn't done ANY Christmas shopping yet.
So somebody is going to remedy that. Thing is, somebody has hit a bit of a snag.
You see, my brother Forko is getting married on January 7th, 2006, to a lovely girl from Belgium. And what do you get for a girl who comes from the land that gave us waffles, chocolates, and koo-koo clocks?
Now, before you all start bringing up the atrocities committed by Belgians in World War II (and really, who can forget them?), just remember last weekend when you were driving across town and you cut that guy off who was trying to get in the other lane. My point? We all make mistakes.
Waffelle is here in the states now. And Santa Claus is readying his sleigh with a car-seat for the Baby Jesus (that's for another post).
I'm in a bind! I'm asking you--yes, YOU! You there, reading this post!--Help me think of something to get for Waffelle for Christmas! Most people will be getting Forko and Waffelle ordinary wedding things like rags and banana holders. Waffelle is bound to experience a little culture shock when she gets here. She's also bound to be a little bored as she won't be able to work until her citizenship goes through. Bearing those things in mind, what can I get that will really say "Welcome to America!" in an entertaining yet culturally sensitive sort of way?
And just in case you need a little prodding...THIS time around, the winning suggestion will receive a swell gift! I'm not kidding either!
So start sending in your entertaining yet culturally sensitive gift ideas! The polls will close on Thursday night at the stroke of midnight! Vote, vote, vote!
Christmas is two weeks away!! As in, next Saturday is Christmas Eve!
And somebody hasn't done ANY Christmas shopping yet.
So somebody is going to remedy that. Thing is, somebody has hit a bit of a snag.
You see, my brother Forko is getting married on January 7th, 2006, to a lovely girl from Belgium. And what do you get for a girl who comes from the land that gave us waffles, chocolates, and koo-koo clocks?
Now, before you all start bringing up the atrocities committed by Belgians in World War II (and really, who can forget them?), just remember last weekend when you were driving across town and you cut that guy off who was trying to get in the other lane. My point? We all make mistakes.
Waffelle is here in the states now. And Santa Claus is readying his sleigh with a car-seat for the Baby Jesus (that's for another post).
I'm in a bind! I'm asking you--yes, YOU! You there, reading this post!--Help me think of something to get for Waffelle for Christmas! Most people will be getting Forko and Waffelle ordinary wedding things like rags and banana holders. Waffelle is bound to experience a little culture shock when she gets here. She's also bound to be a little bored as she won't be able to work until her citizenship goes through. Bearing those things in mind, what can I get that will really say "Welcome to America!" in an entertaining yet culturally sensitive sort of way?
And just in case you need a little prodding...THIS time around, the winning suggestion will receive a swell gift! I'm not kidding either!
So start sending in your entertaining yet culturally sensitive gift ideas! The polls will close on Thursday night at the stroke of midnight! Vote, vote, vote!
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