Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My Little Pony: Equus "Nugget" Review

Expect Harry Potter to be a little hoarse in the next movie.

That's because he spends so much of his time screaming at the top of his lungs in the revival of Equus on Broadway. After blasting out horsey nonsenseries night after night on the West End and now here in the colonies, the poor kid's voice is shot.

It all goes back to my belief that the day they decided to put movie stars on the stage for boffo box-office is the day they should have loaded the stage with hidden mics. First raspy Katie Holmes, now Daniel Radcliffe. Yes, folks. Everything's coming up polyps.

I've never been a fan of Equus, with its unending stream of dense, attention-straining monologues and bizzaro moral of it being better to have lived passionately than to have lived with no passion at all--even if "passion" means you have a thing for horsies and, in an insane fit of pony-erotic guilt, you stab out their eyes because they caught you cheating on them with the local barnyard floozy.

The horses in the play are represented by a chorus of beefy dancers wearing skin-tight brown suits, skeletal horse masks with "poke me out" glow-in-the-dark eyeballs, and eight-inch go-go hoofs--an ensemble that is bound to set many a Chelsea nightclub to whinnying next Halloween.

As for the stars, Radcliffe is adequate--if a bit stiff in that film actor sort of way--in the role of the troubled teenager. And since he IS a teenager and his character loves/hates/worships/stabs horses, all he really has to do is show up and say the lines without completely losing his voice.

Meanwhile, Richard Griffiths continues to deliver the goods, although during the duller parts his extraordinary girth becomes something of a side-show style distraction.

Imagery abounds--we've got "Christ on the Cross" poses, beefy men serving as stand-ins for horses which Radcliffe gets VERY friendly with, on-stage balcony seating which attempts to make the stage look like an anatomy classroom. It all looks great.

Unfortunately, as a whole, the production of this play, which shocked in the seventies, somehow lacks bite. Perhaps it has something akin to the "Harry Potter" books and films--it's trying so hard to "be dark" that it comes off not as creepy and unsettling, but as an adolescent attempt to shock the squares.

All that said, if you're one of those types who always loved Equus, with its pony lovin' and high-falutin' monologuing, you'll probably go "gee-gee whiz!" over this production.




Oh yeah, and Harry Potter gets naked.

2 comments:

Bibb Leo File said...

Well, I love me a good horse-porno, so I'd probably enjoy it.

Your review puts me in mind of an idea. Maybe Radcliffe could star in a musical revue centered around Mr. Ed, only Wilbur gets naked and fondles the talking horse at night after his wife goes to bed. They could sing the songs from "Love! Valour! Compassion!" and "Rent" as their awkward passion develops into a love to last the ages. Vin Diesel could play Mr. Ed.

Anonymous said...

"...it's trying so hard to "be dark" that it comes off not as creepy and unsettling, but as an adolescent attempt to shock the squares."

Dude! That's EXACTLY true about SO much stuff today. 'Adolescent' is the key word there...these people never grew up. Have you seen all the greying heads that line the front row of every production of Rent?