The summer months are all up on us.
And it's really hot in New York City.
This is a frustrating place to live.
No matter where you go there are people. And no matter how nice of a person you THINK you are, when you have to walk through massive crowds every day, eventually you get tired of it. And what happens? You become mean on the sidewalks. You just wish people would practice common sense and look where they're going.
You learn to HAAAAAAATE people.
Then there are the beggars. You get to know them. There are the beggars on 8th Avenue who are there all the time. Like the large lady who leans against the wall and croaks, "Spaaaare chaaaaange?" every single day. Or another beggar whom I overheard telling one of his buddies that you can't make a lot of money on this corner. Or another who gets a dollar from a tourist then immediately puts it in his pocket to make the cup look empty.
But the problem here is... some of them are actually REAL beggars, not career beggars.
And what do you do about THAT? Here I am with a pocket full of change and I walk past some guy who quietly asks if I have any change. I do the New York thing and pretend I didn't hear him. Then I realize, "HEY! He might have been for real! But I can't turn AROUND!! New Yorkers don't stop and turn around! They ALWAYS keep walking forward!" (I know. It sounds crazy. But it's totally true)
I guess the point is you use a combination of discretion mixed with faith that the Lord will take care of it. Keep your heart tender, don't buy them booze or crack. And when in doubt, offer to buy them a coffee.
Then there was the little old lady on the corner of 49th and Broadway.
All gussied up as if she just came from church. I'm waiting for the signal to change so I can cross. She bends over. It looks like she dropped something and is trying to find it.
Except she keeps going down and down until she's on her hands and knees. Then she totally barfs. All over the place.
The tourists said, "EW!" and kept walking. I kind of freaked out. I crossed and began to pass the poor creature. Then I stopped and made like I just got an email on my phone while I tried rapidly to think of what the crap I should do.
Fortunately, some older gentleman got to her and started asking if she was okay. That gave me the courage to run over and help him get the lady to her feet and offer to make a phone call.
Quivering, she said she was fine but thank you.
I started to walk away when it occurred to me she might not have just collapsed because of some violent illness, but maybe was just drunk from too many St. Thomas Bloody Marys.
But I don't know that! For all I knew she was DYING!
And then there are the couple of bodies I've seen on the sidewalk. Homeless guys. Just...lying there. Sprawled out on the pavement. And they didn't APPEAR to be breathing.
I mean, what the crap y'all? What's a person supposed to DO? The answers seem SO easy, SO obvious. But WAIT until it happens in front of you. It's really easy to just pretend you didn't see it or that someone has already informed the authorities or an ambulance.
I maintain that you can't really be a really REAL Christian, like, a mature Christian until you've been hit in the face with humanity. Like, THIS kind of humanity. The kind that says, "DO SOMETHING!" but you wind up feeling totally scared or powerless to do anything. And the voices tell you, "Just keep walking. They're probably drunk. It's not your problem."
But it IS your problem! But you HAVE to do something. That's the POINT. COMPASSION! MERCY!
And you think the strangest things when you're in a crowd... Lately, all I can think when I'm getting into a subway car is, "And all of these people expect to get Christmas presents."
All this said, New York is cool, but man. It's not an easy place to live. I miss being in places where the most interaction you have with strangers comes from accidentally locking eyes with them on the freeway.
5 comments:
I feel the same way you do about all this stuff. Struggle with the same questions, constantly.
Though I know it's always right there "in your face" in NYC, whereas I can pretty much hide out from the world, in my peaceful little country home on the outskirts of Nashville. And wonder if I should be doing something more... maybe going into the city and getting involved, helping out somewhere.
At least you care enough to constantly struggle with it, and continue asking the questions. If you ever find yourself genuinely indifferent to it all... then it's time to leave and go somewhere new.
I remember the first time I visited NYC when I was little. Talk about a slap in the face. I had grown up in a comfortable home in sheltered little Waco and had never seen so much sadness and hopelessness that I saw in the faces of those on the streets. I remember just walking around and crying. Constantly. I hated the dichotomy between the indulgent, flashy NYC and the destitute, dark NYC. It was a rude awakening for a little girl who had been so excited to get to see Broadway shows in The Big Apple. I still struggle with wanting to help, but not knowing who, not knowing how, not knowing when, if it's enough, etc. I know I can't save them all...whether "they" are the sick, the homeless, the poor, or the animals at the local shelter. I can only hope and pray that I'll be able to discern who, when, and how, and that I can live with the guilt for those I did nothing for. The task (and gift) we have of showing compassion can sometimes be a heavy one, but I agree with Chaotic Hammer - I'd rather have this internal struggle than no struggle at all.
Both posts are well-put. I mean, think of all the people Jesus saw who were begging or needed healing. Did he heal them all? Probably not. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to who gets the special treatment and who doesn't. The difference may be that Jesus saw the hearts of those he helped and knew who His Father wanted Him to help. I guess it's up to us to listen and kind of feel the stirring to help. But that's hard to do. I feel like every time I help someone, or don't, it's driven by emotion or my own pride. There is pretty much no way to separate our selfishness from giving. Maybe it's when we feel most uncomfortable, such as with the lady who got sick on the street, that God is pleased we chose against our will and instead did what we at least thought He'd want us to do.
Stay strong my friend. Every day I struggle with doing the "right" thing versus what Western Civilization says to do. I have found that doing what "feels" right feels a whole lot better. It may not be popular or make you a whole lot of friends, but I have a feeling that's not that important right now...
Be well,
S~
Is that a precondition of major cities? I lived 4 years in Shanghai and that left me detesting the Chinese even though I am Chinese by ancestry. I became so mean and rude just to cope with living around the people. Is it just that when people live together in smaller spaces their hearts and minds get narrower too? I'm now in NC where the slower pace of life and the vast spaces around do me so much good. People here are so friendly it takes me awhile to get used to. It'll take me awhile to go back to city life again.
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