Gorge

'Midsummer' opens on the 6th.  I have to show off abs again.  But wait--we just got through Thanksgiving!  Not a good time for vain actors who want nothing more than for plastic surgeons to somehow come up with ab-implants.  

Let's see.  What have I gorged myself on this past week?

A combination of various turkeys and hams

Ab-o-meter Damage: 2 

Turkeys and hams are high in protein.  Nothing says 'muscles' like meat.  No worries here.

South Carolina Pulled Pork BBQ and collard greens

Ab-o-meter Damage: 6

Normally, I'd lump the BBQ into the combination of various turkeys and hams, but not when slathered in sweet, sweet sauce that is probably really bad for you, despite its heavenly taste.  At least the collards are high in iron.  And bacon.

Sushi

Ab-o-meter Damage: ??

I'm still not sure about this.  Is sushi supposed to be good for you?  All the anorexic girls in New York eat it because they think it's healthy, but I'm pretty sure I've seen some chubby fish swimming around the sea.

An impossible number of cookies and pastries, including, but certainly not limited to, pumpkin pies, Forkish Pumpkin Log X-Treme, 12 layer chocolate cake, 12 layer butterscotch cake, apple cake, ice cream, candies, etc., etc.

Ab-o-meter Damage: 8

This is why I'm getting back to New York today and going straight to the gym.  Once in a while is okay, but one must control oneself.  And I...I just couldn't.

Aunt L's Sweet Potatoes

Ab-o-meter Damage: 10

The Hitler of Thanksgiving dishes, Aunt L's Sweet Potatoes...where do I begin?  Topped with an inch-and-a-half of melted marshmallows, once you got to the thin layer of sweet potatoes beneath, you quickly found that the sweet potatoes weren't just sweet...they were sweet.  I'll be on the elliptical machine for two days before I manage to work off the calories consumed in this sugary confection of sweet, sweet goodness.  I tried to stop eating it.  I really did.  But I just...couldn't...stop...stuffing...my...face...

Oysters

Ab-o-meter Damage: negligible

Gross-o-meter: Off the charts

I've become a firm believer in trying new things.  You never know what you might be missing out on.  At our cousin's annual Day After Thanksgiving feast, I finally decided to cowboy up and try this South Carolina delicacy.  I'm glad I did.  But it's going to be a while before I go hunting around for more food that looks like aborted fetuses.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!  It's time for me to get back on the plane and return to Nofriendo World.  I'll see you in hell!  Christmas hell!